every time the phone rings, I think, pray, and hope it's them. My stomach turns into knots & my heart skips a beat. They are calling to tell me we have a match. A birth mom has chosen us. US!
We've officially only been on the wait list for 2 weeks now. & friends, it's hard. It's hard when everyone around you is pregnant with a specific date of knowing when they will see their child face to face. It's hard when other adoptive families you know are getting placed or had placements happen in 3 days of waiting. It's hard when you realllly just want your baby already. It's hard waiting. I don't mean to sound like a impatient brat, I'm well aware that some families have been waiting YEARS for a placement. & I promise the families that I know of, I've been praying for because waiting a year sounds m.i.s.e.r.a.b.l.e.
But, I decided something yesterday. Well really, the Lord convicted me of something yesterday while watching C play. C is here now. Husband is here now. And instead of letting my mind become consumed with when we will be matched & when our second son will enter our home, I'm going to try (key word: try) to be content with where the Lord has me now. C is still so small. Just barely a year & everything he does is my absolute favorite. Instead of letting my mind wonder into the unknown and uncertainties of adoption, I want to keep it focused on the here and now and be content.
Contentment is probably the number one thing, I think, woman struggle with. We always want the next chapter of life, the next event, etc. At least I struggle with it majorly, if I'm being honest. Which I am. So starting today, every time I start thinking about our adoption process and when I'll receive that phone call, I want to make it a habit to stop, pray, and ask the Lord to keep me focused on the here and now.
It's okay to desire something (obviously not if it's a sinful desire). It's not okay to let the sinless desire become an idol, because then it becomes sinful.
I might be in for the long haul as far as being on the wait list goes. I don't want to spend the next weeks, months, or (hopefully not) years living in discontentment. I want to be able to look back at the time of waiting as a time I soaked in being a family of three & trusting in the Lord's will.
I'm reallllllly going to try. And by God's grace & strength, I can be victorious.
Anybody out there struggle with discontentment like me? Let Jesus have it.